Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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