i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
