how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
