Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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