The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
