New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
