My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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