i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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