Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
...so i touched it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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