if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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