i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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