Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
