Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
