The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
