why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
