theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
