I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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