Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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