It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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