tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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