i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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