I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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