i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
