if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
