Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
