i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
wow bdsm is so cute
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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