It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
