If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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