Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
