Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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