Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
