Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
