I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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