I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
