i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
