i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
