I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
