We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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