Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
