Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize