Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
