have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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