I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
