Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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