he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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