Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
