Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
