I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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