In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize