jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
