I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
