At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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