He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
