drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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