I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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