dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
