I will die if light touches me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
