I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You pole danced in your parka.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
