Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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