he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
