a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just invented taco cereal.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
