I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
