one two three fourrrrnication!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
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We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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