I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
