this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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