there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
