i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
