So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
pray to the hookup gods
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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