If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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