she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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