on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
