remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
