roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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