toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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