I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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