he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
