So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
