Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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